CAST OF CHARACTERS 

​

JACK A thirty-something academic, attractive, blonde. Married to Sonia for ten years. Gentle, a bit off his rocker, but in a good way. 

​

SONIA A young lawyer, smart, crisp, pretty—red-haired,  lanky. At one point in her life, she was bohemian. But not any more. Now she’s very organized; always busy. 

SETTING 

​

The basement of Jack and Sonia home in Kansas City, Missouri.

(The play starts in darkness. Complete darkness.) 

​

JACK 

I wasn’t saying that. I was saying that… 

​

SONIA 

I know what you were saying. 

​

JACK 

It’s not like that… 

​

SONIA 

Oh yeah, what’s it like? 

​

JACK 

Sonia, can you give me a chance here? 

​

SONIA 

Jack, I’ve given you plenty of chances. 

​

JACK 

You don’t like the dress. 

​

SONIA 

I like the dress. It’s very pretty. It’s what, rayon? Paisley. It’s cute. Bohemian. 

​

JACK 

But it’s what…it’s not flattering? 

​

SONIA 

I like the dress. There’s nothing wrong with the dress.  

​

JACK 

Because I really like this dress. I really, really like this dress. 

​

SONIA 

Oh my god, are you going to cry? Please don’t cry. 

​

JACK 

I am not crying. I’m being open. You never like anything I get you. 

​

SONIA 

Turn on the light. 

​

JACK 

I thought it would be nicer if we left the light off. 

​

SONIA 

Jack! This is weird.

​

JACK 

You don’t like the dress. 

​

SONIA 

I like it! I like it! It’s a dress I would have bought myself. In fact, you know I would have  bought it myself. It’s exactly something I would buy. 

​

JACK 

Because you’re bohemian. 

​

SONIA 

You say that because that’s what you think I am. And sure, yes, I was bohemian. At one time. 

​

JACK 

You’re still very, very liberal, radical even. 

​

SONIA 

Yes, so? What? It has absolutely nothing to do with what we’re talking about. We’re talking  about a dress. 

​

JACK 

I got it for you. 

​

SONIA

I know you did. I know it, and I told you thank you. Now let’s go upstairs.

JACK 

Then I don’t understand why you’re reacting this way. 

​

SONIA 

How am I reacting? 

​

JACK 

Liberal you…I would even say, radical you, should, would, handle this so much better.

SONIA 

I’m a human being. I’m handling it the way I handle it. 

​

JACK 

I love you. 

​

SONIA 

Yeah, you said so. 

​

JACK 

But I mean it. 

​

SONIA 

I know you mean it. That’s what makes me so sad.

​

JACK 

But I got you this dress, this bohemian dress because I love you. 

​

SONIA 

And what does that mean exactly? Because you love me? Because you want to see me in that  dress? Is that what you mean? Because if that’s what you mean, that is so…fucking…so  sexist. 

​

JACK 

Sexist? I’m a guy…I like to see my wife in beautiful things…is that so sexist? 

​

SONIA 

Yes. 

​

JACK 

Oh God…well, that’s something. 

​

SONIA 

No, that’s…sweet…to know that you like me…my body. 

​

JACK 

You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met in my life. And yes, part of that is because  you’re this liberal, bohemian, different kind of person. I was never that way. You walk to the  beat of a different drummer and all that. I thought you’d understand. Of all people. 

​

SONIA 

So nice. That’s nice. 

​

JACK 

But it’s not enough. 

​

SONIA 

Can we please turn the light on. I can’t see anything. It’s pitch black down here. 

​

JACK 

In our basement. I know. It’s perfect. 

​

SONIA 

It’s creepy. It’s giving me the creeps. 

​

JACK 

It’s our basement. With our laundry hanging, and cans of stuff, and…Nothing to be scared of. 

​

SONIA 

And the dress… 

​

JACK 

A very nice… 

​

SONIA 

Bohemian…

​

JACK 

…dress. 

​

SONIA 

Can I leave? Can I go? I’ve had enough. 

​

JACK 

Please don’t. 

​

SONIA 

I’d like to go upstairs and watch CNN. I was going to make dinner tonight. 

​

JACK 

I made it… 

​

SONIA 

You made it? 

​

JACK 

Yeah, surprise! 

​

SONIA 

You always make dinner, Jack. I was going to make it tonight. 

​

JACK 

Well, I’m around, it’s spring break. The kids are with their mom. I had time. 

​

SONIA 

Well…that’s sweet. That was sweet of you. 

​

JACK 

I love you. 

​

SONIA 

I know you do. You said that. You’ve said that what about ten times now? 

​

JACK 

Look, there’s something about this dress. Something you should know. How I got the dress. 

​

SONIA 

I was wondering about that. I mean, I didn’t see the tags or anything. 

​

JACK 

I didn’t…I didn’t buy the dress. 

​

SONIA 

What? Where did you…? 

​

JACK 

It was a gift. 

​

SONIA 

A gift? From who? 

​

JACK 

You wouldn’t know her. 

​

SONIA 

Her? Jack, there’s a her? 

​

JACK 

She’s not important. 

​

SONIA 

Look when you brought me down here wearing your coat I thought okay, the heat’s out, he’s  going to show me the heater’s out. We’ve been down here, what, twenty minutes already. Why are we doing this. I’m really getting very uncomfortable—at first I thought it was cute, and I liked the dress, but now I’m…look I’m turning on the light. ​

(She gets up, flips on a switch. They’re sitting at a card table in a basement, with  laundry hanging from various strings across the set. JACK sits, wearing a long trenchcoat, his black shoes and socks can be seen.) 

​

JACK 

I wish you hadn’t done that. 

​

SONIA 

This is ridiculous. 

​

JACK 

You know, when you were suffering from that awful case of eczema, didn’t I wait on you, hand and foot? 

​

SONIA 

Yesssss. 

​

JACK 

And when your boss passed you over on that promotion, who was it who helped you negotiate it back, so you got a very similar promotion, and did it without losing face in the process. 

​

SONIA 

You did. 

​

JACK 

So, when I have an issue. When I have a challenge, don’t you think you can give me the time of day. 

​

SONIA 

Of course. I’m giving you the time of day. 

​

JACK 

And I want it dark. My time of day is dark.

SONIA 

Please let’s not. It’s damp down here, and when we turned out the lights, it was scary… 

JACK 

Oh come on. You’re not scared of the dark. 

​

SONIA 

We’ve been married for ten years, Jack. You know how much I hate coming down here by  myself. It’s an old house and it gives me the creeps. 

​

JACK 

I thought you loved this house! It’s hip…we decided a tudor house in Waldo was hip! 

SONIA 

I do! I do…it’s just that there’s nothing to do in this town. You think it’s cool, something new  happens. You feel like wow, maybe, just maybe a new stadium or a new theatre or a new  museum or something…and no, no, no. It doesn’t. It’s always just Kansas City. 

JACK 

Well, that’s going to change. Our life here is going to change. For the better. 

SONIA 

Why…? Did they give you that promotion? Are you getting kicked upstairs? 

JACK 

It’s not it. 

SONIA 

It’s something to do with the dress. 

JACK 

Do you want to try it on. 

SONIA 

I just got home. I want to get into something comfortable. 

JACK 

It’s comfortable. You’ll love it. 

SONIA 

It’s not something I want to wear right now. I want to get into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and work on dinner. 

JACK 

I told you, I made dinner. 

SONIA 

Well, then laundry. I want to do my laundry.

JACK 

I did that. I did your laundry. 

SONIA 

I told you never to do my laundry! I do it differently for each piece of clothing. I can’t believe  you did my laundry.I like to hang dry…!  

JACK 

I know. I know how you do your laundry. I dried everything the way you like. Look around you. 

SONIA 

Okay, fine. Fine.  

JACK 

So is there a thank you? 

SONIA 

Yes. Sure, thank you!  

JACK 

Because, I just want you to understand how much I love you. 

SONIA 

I know this isn’t going to be good. Please Jack. 

JACK 

Maybe you should turn off the light. 

SONIA 

No…no…you will not turn off the light. You will leave on the light. You will leave on the  light, Jack! 

JACK 

I’m going to take off my coat now. 

SONIA 

Okay? I guess? 

JACK 

Okay.

(JACK takes off his trenchcoat. He’s wearing the dress. He’s actually filling out the  dress in a way that doesn’t entirely seem right for a man). 

SONIA 

Jack. 

JACK 

It’s a change….

SONIA 

Jack. 

JACK 

…for the better. 

SONIA 

(sobs, tears) 

Is it? ​

(There is a moment of silence. A long moment of silence. They look at each other. SONIA starts to sob, slowly, uncontrollably, struggling with her emotions. The stand  apart. Just looking at each other.) 

​

JACK 

(soothing her, gently) 

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay… ​

(JACK continues to gently repeat this. SONIA stifles her sobs, and then calms. Again  silence) 

​

SONIA 

Ya know? 

​

JACK 

What? 

​

SONIA 

Actually…you don’t look half-bad. 

​

JACK 

No? 

​

SONIA 

Why? 

​

JACK 

Well, I have breasts. 

​

SONIA 

Implants? 

​

JACK 

No…real ones…hormone therapy. 

​

SONIA 

Yes? Really? 

​

JACK 

Well, they’re modest, but they’re there. And you may have noticed my voice changing. It was  deep, so the changes have been slow.

​

SONIA 

Do you still love me? 

​

JACK 

Of course. That will never change. 

​

SONIA 

I don’t know though. 

​

JACK 

I know that your feelings might not be the same afterwards. 

​

SONIA 

After…you completely change? 

​

JACK 

Yes. 

SONIA 

I…that will never change. 

​

JACK 

I don’t know, Sonia…I mean, I understand if you feel differently. 

​

SONIA 

I’ll be a lesbian. 

​

JACK 

You will? 

​

SONIA 

I love you, Jack! I love you! I love the way you hold me. I love the way you cook and garden.  And the way you talk to the birds. And the way you never liked football or baseball. And I  loved the way you would watch Project Runway with me.  

​

JACK 

Yes, well, that was definitely a part of it. 

​

SONIA 

I mean, I thought you were different.  

​

JACK 

You thought I was gay. Admit it. 

​

SONIA 

Okay, I thought you were gay. But I liked that! I loved that about you. That you were so  gentle and nice to me…and hot. 

​

JACK 

Well, there are different ways to be hot.

​

SONIA 

Turn around.  

(He does so) 

I think your ass looks nice in that skirt. 

​

JACK 

Really? 

​

SONIA 

Yeah.  

​

JACK 

Thanks.  

​(They smile for a minute. They come together. JACK holds SONIA close.) 

​

SONIA 

I love the way you hold me.  ​

(controlling herself for a moment) ​

I’ll…miss that…It’ll feel different. 

​

JACK 

I love to hold you. I’ll always love to hold you.  

​

SONIA 

It’s such a nice dress. 

​

JACK 

I got it for you.  

​

SONIA 

Liar! No, you didn’t. 

​

JACK 

I didn’t…but it’s your taste. I’m your taste…I hope. 

​

SONIA 

Jack, you…the dress….our life… 

​

JACK 

It’s so… 

​

SONIA 

(she smiles.) 

Bohemian… ​

(They kiss. Lights fade to black. End of play.)

David Crespy founded MU's Writing for Performance program, serves its Co-Director, and it received the 2017 Gold Medallion from the Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival (KCACTF).  He is the founding Artistic Director of MU.'s Missouri Playwrights Workshop, the Mizzou New Play Series, and Summer Rep's Comedies-in-Concert Series. He received a Fulbright Fellowship to Greece in 2018 to write a trilogy of plays about the Jewish Community of Thessaloniki, Madre de Israel: Three Plays of Jewish Salonica, which is part of his family’s Greek and Spanish heritage in Europe.