HONKY TONK QUEEN
ROB ROSIELLO

HONKY TONK QUEEN SYNOPSIS

Blessing, Mississippi.

IT’s the closing night of an all but forgotten honky tonk called The Red Caboose.

As the last call draws near, two employees vie for a piece of country music

history— a pair of cowboy boots once owned by The Queen of Country Music, Patsy

Cline— and the ultimate title of Honky Tonk Queen.

CHARACTERS

Diedre “DiDi” Calhoun: manages The Red Caboose; has seen and done it all—

twice. Mid to late forties.

Jenny Lynn Hope: a waitress at The Red Caboose; she is a singer with dreams

beyond Blessing, Mississippi. Early twenties.

Noble Black: a bartender at The Red Caboose. A man of few words. Late

twenties, early thirties.
 

HONKY TONK QUEEN
 

(The back bar of a Mississippi Honky Tonk.

DIEDRE is tending bar.

She is in her forties and has seen it all.

Twice.

The bar is decorated in a railroad theme, complete with crossing signs and signal lights.

A stage stands at one end of the room.

DIEDRE is trying to build a house of cards on the bar.

JENNY LYNN careens into the bar.

She is very young and dressed in typical cowgirl attire, complete with boots and short denim skirt.)

JENNY LYNN

A shotta Cuervo no salt, a draft beer of whatever ain't flat and a shot of Sambuca.  Dis-gusting.

DIEDRE

DO NOT touch the bar!

(As she says this the cards collapse.

She throws down the rest in disgust.)

DIEDRE

Damn it, Jenny Lynn!  Where's Noble?  Ain't he tendin' bar up front?

JENNY LYNN

Front bar's outta tequila and the beer is comin' out flat up there.

(She begins making the drinks.)

DIEDRE

Tell him to lock the doors.

JENNY LYNN

It ain't closin' time yet.

DIEDRE

These your only customers?

JENNY LYNN

All night.

DIEDRE

It's closin' time.

JENNY LYNN

Last call at The Red Caboose— who woulda thought—

DIEDRE

I don't wanna talk about it.

(She grabs the tequila and looks out into the front bar.)

DIEDRE

Who's the tequila for— I only see one guy out there ‘

JENNY LYNN

The beer's for Noble—

DIEDRE

And the tequila—

JENNY LYNN

The Sambuca's for the guy at the bar—

DIEDRE

And the Cuervo?

JENNY LYNN

What happened to my shift drink?  When Lyle was here he used to give me free shots all the time—

DIEDRE

And ya wonder why I had to sell the place—

(She puts the bottle back on the shelf.)

JENNY LYNN

Ya didn't have to sell the place, DiDi—

DIEDRE

I didn't have to live outta my car neither—

JENNY LYNN

Where's my shot?

DIEDRE

But it was coming to that if I held on. 

(JENNY LYNN exits.  

DIEDRE pours herself a shot of the tequila and drinks it.

She tries to start her house of cards again until JENNY LYNN returns.)

JENNY LYNN

Ya got change for a fifty?

DIEDRE

You're kidding me, right?

JENNY LYNN

Noble said ya didn't give him a bank tonight.

DIEDRE

Shit.

(She counts the money out for JENNY LYNN.)

JENNY LYNN

Ya know I think is a good idea?

DIEDRE

Ya ain't getta a shot of tequila from me— you get crazy wild on that nonsense—

JENNY LYNN

Like you and Wild Turkey?

DIEDRE

Give that man his change so we can close up—

JENNY LYNN

Never thought you'd be in a hurry to close up—

DIEDRE

We ain't closin' up— we're closin' down.  There's a difference.

JENNY LYNN

Ya know what else is a good idea?  You givin' me those boots.

(She points to a shiny pair of boots perched behind the bar in their very own place of honor.) 

DIEDRE

Over my cold dead twitchin’ body.

(JENNY LYNN heads out to the front bar.)

JENNY LYNN

I can arrange that, ya know.

(DIEDRE hops up and takes down the boots carefully.

She sits on the bar and gently strokes the leather of the boots.

JENNY LYNN re—enters and tries to grab the boots.)

DIEDRE

Jenny Lynn Hopper, I will kick your ass from here to Tallahassee if you make me fall off this bar—

JENNY LYNN

I want those boots—

DIEDRE

Do you know who wore these boots?

JENNY LYNN

They belonged to my Daddy—

DIEDRE

They did not— they're lady's boots.

JENNY LYNN

He was tendin' bar the night she left 'em here— and he found 'em fair and square—

DIEDRE

Well my daddy owned the bar when he found 'em so they belong to me. 

JENNY LYNN

Finders keepers—

DIEDRE

And losers weepers— and your daddy lost ‘em in a bar bet with my Daddy the night he found ‘em so they belong to The Red Caboose— and what is left to the Red Caboose— belongs to me.

         (Pause.)

Besides— they probably don't even fit ya.

JENNY LYNN

I bet ya they do.

DIEDRE

Bet ya they don't.

JENNY LYNN

Bet ya they do!

DIEDRE

Girl, if I find out you tried to get those big ol’ feet of yours into these boots and stretched them out—

JENNY LYNN

You'll do what?

DIEDRE

These boots belonged to Miss Patsy Cline!  They're sacred!

JENNY LYNN

If I can prove to you that these boots will fit— can I have ‘em?

(Pause.)

DIEDRE

Maybe.

(JENNY LYNN sits and starts to take off her boots.)

DIEDRE

I told ya— ya ain't gonna try ‘em on—

(JENNY LYNN stands and slaps the boot down on the bar next to DIEDRE.)

DIEDRE

Good lord, woman!  When was the last time ya washed those feet of yours?

JENNY LYNN

Look!

(She holds up the boot.)

DIEDRE

I can't see— my eyes are waterin'.

JENNY LYNN

(Pointing inside the boot.)  I am a size nine, ladies.  

DIEDRE

Big old floppy feet— like a clown!

JENNY LYNN

Now you look inside those boots and you tell me what size it says—

DIEDRE

I can't read nothing— the size is worn out—

JENNY LYNN

Look inside the right boot— says it right there— a nine— Patsy Cline wore a size nine— those boots are a size nine and as you can see from the boot I just took off my very own feet, I wear a size nine.  So those should belong to me fair and square thank you very much!

DIEDRE

Ya can't wear 'em—

JENNY LYNN

I ain't stupid— course I ain't gonna wear ‘em—

DIEDRE

Then what do want with ‘em?

JENNY LYNN

I want somethin' to remember this place— ya know...when it's gone.

DIEDRE

Take one of the signs off the wall if ya want somethin'—

JENNY LYNN

It ain't the same— I want somethin' real... I grew up in this place.

DIEDRE

I did too— and my daddy owned it— don't ya think I want somethin' special to remember it by?

JENNY LYNN

Come on, DiDi....please?

(Long pause while DIEDRE considers it.) 

DIEDRE

On two conditions—

JENNY LYNN

Yeah!?

DIEDRE

Promise you'll never wear 'em—

JENNY LYNN

I swear!  Cross my heart and hope to die!  What else?

DIEDRE

I want ya to earn ‘em.

JENNY LYNN

Earn ‘em?

DIEDRE

Yeah, earn ‘em.

JENNY LYNN

How?

DIEDRE

I want ya to sing for ‘em—

JENNY LYNN

Ain't no way—

DIEDRE

—On that stage right there— 

JENNY LYNN

—There ain’t no music—

DIEDRE

—I want ya to sing for ‘em—

JENNY LYNN

—But that's the stage that— but Patsy Cline sang on that stage!

DIEDRE

Yeah— and she used that bathroom to pee and get changed in and ya ain't got no problem usin' it yourself—
 

JENNY LYNN

There ain't no need to be nasty.  (in a reverent whisper) We're talkin' about Patsy Cline here.   

​

DIEDRE

Then do her the honor and get up on that stage and sing.

(Long pause.

DIEDRE replaces the boots behind the bar.

She starts back to her house of cards.

JENNY LYNN grabs her own boots and puts them on.)

JENNY LYNN

You best not be lyin' DiDi Calhoun or I will kick your Indian givin' butt!

DIEDRE

Now even I know you ain’t supposed to be saying that kinda stuff no more—

JENNY LYNN

Well what do ya know?!  DiDi Calhoun‘s gone politically correct—

It really is the end of an era—

DIEDRE

Get on up there song bird!

(DIEDRE laughs as JENNY LYNN reluctantly takes the stage.

The lights dim and a light comes up on the stage.)

JENNY LYNN

What're ya doin'?

DIEDRE

Settin' the stage for ya.

JENNY LYNN

Thanks a lot.

DIEDRE

"Ladies and gentleman, on this, the closin' night of the Red Caboose Hotel and Casino—"

JENNY LYNN

When was this a hotel?

DIEDRE

When there used to be a second floor. 

JENNY LYNN

And when was it a casino?

DIEDRE

When there used to be a basement—

JENNY LYNN

I never knew that—

DIEDRE

It was before your time—

JENNY LYNN
Everything was before my time—

DIEDRE

Shut up and let me finish!  "Ladies and Gentlemen— it is with great pleasure we introduce to you the final act of the evenin'—"

JENNY LYNN

The final act ever!

DIEDRE

"The closing act on this our closin' night of The Red Caboose Hotel and Casino, makin' her debut performance here at The Red Caboose before headin' off to Nashville—"

JENNY LYNN

Who told you that?

DIEDRE

A little bird.

JENNY LYNN

I'm gonna kill that Noble when I get my hands on him—

DIEDRE

"Makin' her pre-Nashville debut— Blessing, Mississippi's very own, Jennifer Lynn Hopper—

JENNY LYNN

Jenny Lynn Hope— that's gonna be my stage name in Nashville— Jenny Lynn Hope.

DIEDRE

"Makin' her pre-Nashville debut— Blessing, Mississippi's very own, Jenny Lynn Hope singin'....

(Pause)

What ya singin' tonight?

JENNY LYNN

"Crazy—" and I would like to dedicate it to Miss Patsy Cline.

DIEDRE

No ya ain't.

JENNY LYNN

Says who?

DIEDRE

Says me!  It's too easy.  Ya need to pick something else.

JENNY LYNN

Loretta Lynn?

DIEDRE

Nope.

JENNY LYNN

Tammy Wynette?

DIEDRE

If you ain't gonna be serious—

(She starts to bring the lights up)

JENNY LYNN

Well what do ya want me to sing?

DIEDRE

What about one of them songs that your brother wrote for ya?

JENNY LYNN

I need music—

DIEDRE

You can sing without music— I hear ya doin' it all the time—

JENNY LYNN

But this ain't the same—

DIEDRE

If ya want those boots—

JENNY LYNN

Damn it, DiDi—

DIEDRE

Watch that mouth Missy— you're on the stage where Patsy Cline sang—

JENNY LYNN

Honky Tonk Queen.

DIEDRE

What?

JENNY LYNN

Honky Tonk Queen!

(DIEDRE adjusts the lights again.

JENNY LYNN fidgets for a few moments and clears her throat.)

DIEDRE

"Ladies and gentleman, it is my pleasure to introduce to you, Miss Jenny Lynn Hope debuting her new song, Honky Tonk Queen."

(JENNY LYNN closes her eyes and starts a cappella.)

JENNY LYNN

My bags are packed and I got no tears to cry

No hugs or lovin’ or kissin’ you goodbye

Your princess is a goin'

The last you ever seen—

Now I'm a Honky Tonk Queen

The heart that I gave you

It’s now broken in two

What made you so ornery and mean?

Your princess is a goin’

The last you ever seen—

Now I'm Honky Tonk Queen—

(JENNY LYNN sways a little bit as if listening to music.)

Now this would be the part where I would sway to the music and change hands with the microphone— maybe I’d brush my hair back and wipe a tear from my eye— so the crowd knows the song might just be about me—

(As she continues NOBLE enters.

He is tall and handsome and comes to the bar where DIEDRE is sitting.

He puts his arm around DIEDRE.)

And I hope she can give you the love I thought we knew

I was your Honky Tonk Princess, all tried and true blue

How can I be that if ya found somebody new,

My hopes and dreams were all wrapped up in you.

The heart that I gave you

It’s now broken in two—

What made you so ornery and mean?

You’re Princess is a goin’

The last you ever seen—

Now I'm a Honky Tonk Queen

Now I'm a Honky Tonk Queen.

(JENNY LYNN pauses, opens her eyes and waits.

NOBLE and DIEDRE clap wildly.

JENNY LYNN curtsies and bows.)

NOBLE

That was terrible!

JENNY LYNN

(Shielding her eyes against the lights)  Noble Black!  You shut your mouth!

DIEDRE

You got any customers?

(NOBLE shakes his head.

DIEDRE hands him the keys.)

DIEDRE

Go on and lock up.  Go on.

(NOBLE starts clapping again and JENNY LYNN tries to slap him from the stage as he walks by and exits.

DIEDRE turns the lights up and starts wiping down the bar.

JENNY LYNN gets off the stage.)

JENNY LYNN

Well?

DIEDRE

Shoulda had ya sing Patsy Cline.

JENNY LYNN

But you promised me those boots!

(DIEDRE sets two shot glasses on the bar and pours two shots of tequila.

She pats the bar and JENNY LYNN jumps on it and sits.

DIEDRE reaches up and takes down the boots.

She crosses in front of the bar.

DIEDRE starts to take off JENNY LYNN's boots.)

 I thought you said—

(DIEDRE stops and JENNY LYNN holds her hands up in silence.

DIEDRE takes one boot and puts it on with ease.

She takes the second boot and puts it on just as easily.

She takes the shots and hands one to JENNY LYNN.)

DIEDRE

Just like Cinderella.

JENNY LYNN

A Honky Tonk Cinderella.

DIEDRE

I'm gonna miss you.

JENNY LYNN

I'll be back.

DIEDRE

Just don't go leavin' your boots in any honky tonk bathrooms.

JENNY LYNN

I promise.

DIEDRE

I love you baby girl.

JENNY LYNN

I love you, too, momma.

(They toast and drink as lights fade to black and the sounds of Patsy Cline rise.)

END OF PLAY

Rob Rosiello received his Masters’ Degree in Theatre from Villanova University and is a member of The Dramatists Guild. While at Villanova he was part of the Barrymore Award winning ensemble of ANGELS IN AMERICA. Rob also served as a playwriting teaching assistant for several years at The Primary Stages Einhorn School of Performing Arts. He lives in historic Washington’s Crossing, PA.