Cast of Characters 

CHRISTOPHER: On the younger end of middle-aged. SAM’s father. Has a wedding band.

       He fiddles with it throughout the play. 

SAM: His child. 4 or 5. Not gender-specific. Carries a teddy bear. 

Setting 
A funeral home 

Time 
Early afternoon

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SETTING:                                                          A funeral home in a suburb 

AT RISE:                                                             Caskets ornate and simple line the walls, stacked

neatly on top of one another. There are many  different materials and colors. The room is very neat and orderly. CHRISTOPHER wanders around, taking a close look at each casket. SAM follows him around holding a teddy bear, clearly disinterested. A bench sits in the center of the store. 

​

SAM 

Daaaad, are we almost done? Why are we here???????? 

CHRISTOPHER 

Just taking a look. 

SAM 

When are we going home????????

 
CHRISTOPHER 

Soon, I promise. You can play with your teddy bear on the bench, if you’d like. 

SAM 

His name is Teddy! 

CHRISTOPHER 

Oh, I’m sorry. 
    SAM holds up the teddy bear in CHRISTOPHER’s face 

                         CHRISTOPHER (continued) 
Teddy. I’m sorry, Teddy. 

SAM 
Can we stop and get ice cream on the way home? 

CHRISTOPHER 
We’ll see. If you’re good. Just don’t… touch… anything. 

SAM
Sorry 

CHRISTOPHER 
It’s ok. 

SAM 
Why can’t I touch it? 

CHRISTOPHER 
You’ll get it dirty. 

SAM (struggling with this concept) 
But the dirt… when they put it in the hole… 

CHRISTOPHER 
That’s different. Oh, that one’s nice… 

SAM 
Why different? 

CHRISTOPHER 
Because if it’s dirty, people won’t want to buy them. 

Beat. CHRISTOPHER resumes browsing. He fiddles with 
his ring. 

SAM 
Am I being good? 

CHRISTOPHER 
Yes. 

SAM 
Yay! 

CHRISTOPHER 
Sh-sh-sh, don’t yell. 

SAM (quietly) 
sorry!
 

Beat 

SAM 
I like this one 

CHRISTOPHER 
Which one? 

SAM 
The gold. It’s very… cool. 

CHRISTOPHER 
Pretty? 

SAM 
Ew no, pretty is for girls. 

CHRISTOPHER 
Lots of things are pretty. You’re very pretty. 

SAM 
Stoooooppp, I’m not pretty dad! 

CHRISTOPHER laughs. It may even show a hint of pain. 
He fiddles with his ring more. 

SAM 
Why do the… 

CHRISTOPHER 
Caskets? 

SAM 
Yeah. Why do the cassettes (ca-sets) have to be cool? 

CHRISTOPHER 
When someone is being buried, the casket is supposed to be representative… showing… of who the person was.

SAM 
What does repeesetetative (reh-pees-eht-eht-eht-ive) mean? 

CHRISTOPHER 
When something’s representative, it shows the meaning of something. 

SAM 
Oh 

CHRISTOPHER 
A lot of people think that if you’re buried in the right casket, you’ll go to heaven. 

SAM 
Are you going to go to heaven? 

CHRISTOPHER 
Oh, I sure hope so. 

SAM 
I think if we get ice cream then you’re good enough for heaven. 

CHRISTOPHER 
Thanks bud. 

Beat, while SAM thinks. CHRISTOPHER fiddles with his 
ring. 

SAM 
Am I going to heaven? 

CHRISTOPHER 
I’m sure of it. 

SAM 
When? 

A long silence 

SAM 
Are we almost done?

CHRISTOPHER 
Almost, just a few more minutes. 

SAM 
Mom would have taken me to get ice cream right away. 

CHRISTOPHER 
I’m sure she would have. 

Beat 

SAM 
Daddy, why are you buying a casket? 

CHRISTOPHER 
Well, everyone needs a casket sooner or later, and I can’t trust anyone else to pick the right one. Do you remember grandma’s? 

SAM 
Yeah, hers was ugly. 

CHRISTOPHER 
I’m glad we see eye-to-eye. 

Beat 

SAM 
Why are you getting it sooner? 

CHRISTOPHER 
What? 

SAM 
You said everyone gets one “sooner or later”. 

CHRISTOPHER 
I’m getting pretty old, Sam. 

SAM
You’re not that old, you’re like… 
SAM does the math on their fingers 

SAM (continued) 
Twenty years old! 

CHRISTOPHER 
I’m forty-two, Sam. 

SAM 
That’s still not that old 

CHRISTOPHER 
Sam. 

Beat. CHRISTOPHER wipes the sweat from his brow 

SAM 
Am I being bad? 

CHRISTOPHER 
No, it’s just a lot of questions. I’m tired. 

SAM 
Tired of being so old? 

CHRISTOPHER exhales quickly out of his nose in a ‘slight 
laugh’ sort of manner 

SAM 
I want to see mom. I haven’t seen mom in like so long. 

CHRISTOPHER 
Oh, it hasn’t been that long. 

SAM 
It’s been like ten years! 

Pause

CHRISTOPHER 
You haven’t even been alive for ten years. 

Beat 

SAM 
Oh. 

Beat 

SAM (continued) 
When I’ve been alive for ten years, can I have ice cream? 

CHRISTOPHER 
When you’re alive for ten years, you can have all the ice cream you want. 

SAM 
REALLY?!?!?!?!?! 

CHRISTOPHER smiles and sits down slowly on the bench. 
He fiddles with his ring. 

CHRISTOPHER 
Yeah. 

SAM 
Then I can give some to Mom! 

CHRISTOPHER winces 

SAM 
I bet heaven has a lot of ice cream. 

Beat. A long silence. 

CHRISTOPHER 
You pick one out. 

SAM gets up and runs over to the casket they noticed before
and points at it 

SAM 
That one! That’s the perfect one. 

CHRISTOPHER 
It really is. It’s too big though. 

SAM 
I’ll grow. 

A very long silence 

SAM (continued) 
I missed mom. 

Beat. Then, sadly: 

I miss you. 

Another long silence while CHRISTOPHER stares at SAM. 
CHRISTOPHER begins to shiver. SAM drops their teddy 
bear on the ground, and CHRISTOPHER takes off his ring. 
SAM fades, leaving CHRISTOPHER alone in the dark. 
After a long silence, CHRISTOPHER slowly stands up from 
the bench and walks over to the fallen stuffed animal. He 
picks it up and hugs it close. 

CHRISTOPHER weeps 

BLACKOUT 

END OF PLAY