my anxiety knows i've got a lot to offer
that's why it always fill me with thoughts
of drawing countries of ruin on my body.
say: i try to draw different maps leading
to redemption on my wrists, and none
looks like a country a child wants to stay.
i'm dark, silent and void—i have nothing
to do with light. my silence is fluider than
my poetry—only my first drafts can read it.
last night, my anxiety stares at me deeply
it's time to draw another map, it commands.
i obey—like i obey the thirst tied to my lust
when asked to beat my erection till it waters.
my wrist has become a catalogue of maps.
i cannot stand the horrible maps i've drawn,
so i don't let anyone see it—not even god.
sometimes i want to drop the kitchen knife,
pick up a revolver and feel something new.
it's another night—i offer my anxiety empty
threats—if i wake up one more fucking time,
i want to wake up with a reformed body.
Temidayo Jacob is a Sociologist-Poet who is passionate about espousing the conflict between the individual and society. He is the Creative Director of foenix press. He is also the author of Beauty Of Ashes. Temidayo is a 2020 Pushcart prize nominee. His work has appeared and is forthcoming on Rattle, Outcast Magazine, Lucent Dreaming, The Temz Review, Peeking Cat Poetry, Kissing Dynamite, Perhappened, and others. You can reach him on Twitter @Temiddayo.